We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
