I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize