Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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