If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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