do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
