He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
