Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
