Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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