You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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