WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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