she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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