I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
