Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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