People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drake has all the answers
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
