I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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