i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
