Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There r osticjed everywhere
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
