there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
