Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
