maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize