Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
