the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My penis needs a shock collar
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
FUCK WHALES
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
