My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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