worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
