I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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