I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
