I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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