I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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