She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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