Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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