somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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