I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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