i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
