Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
