Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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