i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
