oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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