if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
