This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
