i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
