I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
