Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
