so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We are all done wearing pants today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
