is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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