i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom