Me too!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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