He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury