you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?