and you said cock pushups were impossible
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie