There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?