why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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