Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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