she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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