ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
