I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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