Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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