I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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