don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
