Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
