ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
