Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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