Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
