you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
