I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
