Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
