Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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