WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
