Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is the high leading the old right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
